Encouraged and Slightly Relieved

Unhappiness doesn't last, thankfully. Feel very encouraged by how the parents have been treating me.

Went to watch the kids play in the competition organized by Unity sec the day before yesterday and they did perform more or less up to expectations, though some matches that could have been won were lost. I guess I couldn't expect much since they haven't been training much, with their exams just over. These kids really amaze me... almost all of them are able to juggle studies and table tennis very well.

It was actually quite a last minute decision to go watch them play. I woke up only at 12 noon as the medicine which I have been taking make me terribly drowsy and sleepy. Then I received Thomas' SMS informing me about the competition so I decided to go down, since I didn't really have much to do. Took a cab down after lunch and reached there when they were playing their 2nd match. Basically just watched them play, gave some advice, as well as chatted with the parents. The parents were kinda teasing me that they hope I can quit my studies and coach their kids full time. Must say that I felt really flattered to hear that. It's actually nothing, considering how people often talk when they casual chat... but its all these little encouragements that keep my spirits high.

After the kids finished their competition, there was still some time so they continued playing among themselves there and I played with them too. I still feel that I have to agree with Thomas that in general, they players are still not suitable for very aggressive play. Forcing them to be aggressive will only result in many many unforseen errors. Thus, I guess my desired direction would still be to improve on their 'own style' of play rather than force all of them to be aggressive. I will continue to teach them some new techniques along the way to receive certain services in particular and hopefully they are able to master a few decent methods before the nationals...

Finally got the 'guts' to have a very small discussion about my 'dilemmas'... or rather, me telling Thomas about my desired 'option', and he seemed agreeable to it though I can't be absolutely sure about that. Alas, I'm really glad he didn't ask me to elaborate on IT and I appreciated that a lot. I wouldn't know how to go about elaborating if he had really asked me to elaborate. After all, some things just wouldn't sound very pleasant if one were to be too detailed.

At least I've gotten some stuff off my chest... =]

On another note, my tuition student also was another source of encouragement to me. The moment she reached home from school after getting her mid year exam results, she called me straightaway(even before calling her parents) to tell me about her results. She also shared that she was very happy because it was the first time she got such marks(in the positive sense)... she passed her English with reasonably good marks, and missed passing her Maths by just 2 marks. Nevertheless, she really deserved some praise... considering that she only scored 10 marks or so last year for Maths and didn't pass her English as well. Then she told me 'If you had taught me when I was younger, I would not have gone to EM3...' Felt touched to hear that from her, though I can't deny that I really felt sad to hear that too. She makes me feel really appreciated and I certainly appreciate that.

All these small little things have made me much happier the past few days. Thank goodness there's all these happier stuff to neutralize the unhappy stuff... ;-)

Sick

Sick of everything at the moment. Gave the issue some thought and it seems like it can be quite tricky. Someone may get offended in the process. Don't know what is the best way to tackle it. Just wish I could escape from all these. At times I feel like quitting but of course many factors are holding me back, mainly the strong support and encouragement that I have been receiving all these while. Most importantly, the bonds that have been forged...

It becomes a problem for me when others interfere too much into what I do(this is certainly also true in general). This is further worsened when the other party is very defensive of every idea he or she has and when I really can't agree with the idea. Because I don't wish to offend others, I often just keep quiet after he or she has done all the 'defense' and when I see that there is really no room for further discussion. In a nutshell, he/she is the king and you are just supposed to follow the instructions that have been given. But it becomes a moral dilemma for me... for I had already discussed with the relevant in-charge to ensure that our 'ideals' are in line. Then there is a direction to work towards and it is clearer what I should do and what I shouldn't.

Alas, some people just love to act like the boss, without consulting others. All they do is to tell you what to do, and gets defensive once you try to initiate a discussion. What is the point then? If the ideas are somewhat contradictory of the intended 'direction', then how am I supposed to follow it? Of course everyone has his or her own merits which others may lack. Definitely I need to admit that I do not have all the ideas in the world and others' ideas do come in useful and I do consider each of them seriously and some of them I actually do agree completely too. However, I would really appreciate if others could also just give me the room and freedom to implement my own ideas. How would you feel if others do not give you the opportunity to carry out what you wish to do and instead tells you precisely to do this and that? The word is RESPECT. Give others due respect... No matter what we do in life, I see it a NEED to give others respect and trust that others know how to do their jobs well. There is really no need to try to make everything go YOUR way. It is like doing a project... there needs to be a lot of mutual respect among the team members, otherwise things will just go awful.

Sometimes, others' communication styles baffle me too. I recalled wondering why that person was giving me his/her ideas on who should be the main players when actually the decision is and will not made by me. All I did was to let him/her know the in-charge's ideas... but once again, he/she kinda 'insisted' on his/her own ideas. Then tell me for what? Why don't tell the 'right' person straight?

I really never expected so much **** to arise... All I had expected was to do my job well and go home happy. Nevertheless, it is just so right to say that with expectations come disappointment.

Often, it is sad to discover that friends you have 'known' for a long time actually show a different side only years later, for reasons you simply can't comprehend. I just wish I'm wrong.

Saddened

Deeply saddened by something, but I guess the lack of privacy of such a public blog prevents me from saying what I wish to say. Decided to delete the post which I had just posted because I do not wish to be guilty of being 'unprofessional'. Ended up 'transfering' the post over to my more 'private' blog which is only accessible by close friends.

All that is left to say is that I am really upset by some things which 'people' do, whether consciously or subconsciously. Each time something like that happens, it is a big blow to my confidence...